What I Am Looking For…

 

Helen Keller stated, “What I am looking for is not out there, it is in me.”

 

It took me years to understand that I would never find what I was looking for outside of myself. All I wanted was to be loved- to feel safe in my own skin. I wanted to feel at peace, centered in my heart, through the turbulence and storms of life.

I had given away my power as a young child- seeking love and approval outside of myself.

 

I came to believe that my voice and my choices had no impact.

 

I began to understand that to be seen as the good and obedient child, I had to accept a belief system and programming that I wasn’t good enough- that I didn’t deserve to be valued.

I’ve gone through many phases in my life; some where I felt empowered- invincible and on-top-of the-world. And other times when I felt like the struggle was no longer worth the effort.

I have been filled with joy and purpose- only to find that the root belief I held within me was still present- sabotaging my efforts at freedom and lasting happiness.

It took many storms to shatter my long held beliefs, exposing them for the false illusions they were. I was forced to look within, to listen to the wisdom of my heart and to trust and follow the guidance given- no matter the cost.

Once I was willing to look myself in the mirror and see who was truly present- the awareness behind my emotions and beliefs- I was free.

 

Becoming empowered has been a process.

 

A daily practice of observing, trusting, surrendering and accepting; that what happens is what is supposed to be happening at this moment. Awareness did not take away the storms from my life, it gave me the peace I needed to pass through them.

 

It allowed me to love myself, to value my own life and to choose to live a life of purpose.

 

I came to understand my pattern- the cycle of my story- of giving away my power and the lack of self-esteem and confidence I felt in choosing to be the victim.

By writing it all down; forever exposed on the pages of my own book, Shattered Into Being, I had to ultimately forgive myself and those who helped me learn the lessons necessary on my journey in this life.

I wrote the raw truth as I perceived it, my experiences, for all to see. I was willing to share my story that others might know that they are not alone.

 

I removed my mask and exposed my true self behind the illusion.

 

In doing so I was made free, as the child I am within once more. I remembered that I am a beacon of light. I was willing to shatter the shell that held my light hidden within- that all might see and remember who they truly are as well.

I now understand through direct experience the wisdom of Glinda the good witch in the Wizard of Oz, when she said to Dorothy in the end, “You’ve always had the power, my dear; you just had to learn it for yourself.”

We all have the power within us to be the beacon of light that we are meant to be. A singular expression of the entire sea in, held within one drop of water.

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