The Black Waters of the Future
Looking into the future can feel like diving into deep black waters. The future is unknown, scary and teaming with obstacles to navigate. You cannot see your hand beneath the surface of the dark water.
If you have experienced trauma in the past, shock waves may pass through you at the thought of the future. Visions of future possibilities may torment your waking dreams. You know that anything is possible. Bad things can happen, as easily as good, or even more frequently than the good things. That phone call could bring you to your knees or bless you with tears of laughter, but you don’t know which. Should you even answer that call?
Fears can be triggered by the smallest and seemingly unrelated events, making planning for the future nearly impossible. If fear is allowed to run rampant and wreak havoc unrestrained it may develop into phobias that prevent you from living the life you deserve. To make matters worse phobias can lead to isolation and a feeling that life is completely out of control, and frankly not worth living.
I have experienced many shocks and trauma in my life and I am sure you have too. Recently I became aware that at some point along the way, without me consciously choosing, I had become deeply fearful of the future.
Marie Kondo in the her book, The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up, discusses two reasons one might be hesitant to discard something that didn’t Spark Joy. One was due to sentimental feelings in the past, the other was fear that it might be needed in the future and no longer be available. Both reasons point to not using present awareness in the now to choose Joy.
I sat and thought for a moment considering this revelation. There was absolutely nothing that I hesitated on discarding due to the past. Everything I was uncertain about was due to a fear of the future, not knowing what the future would bring.
I had become truly terrified of the future. Would I have enough money? Could I pay the rent? How could I get another pay check before the money ran out or my credit was used up? Was I able to make it on my own? Can I actually take care of myself, let alone my children? Do I have value? Am I enough?
Have you ever procrastinated on making a decision because you were paralyzed by fear of what the future consequences might be?
What has fear cost me?
Sitting with this question I came to the following awareness.
Fear out of Balance is Death while you are still Living.
I looked at my list of what fear had cost me. When it was all added up it came down this simple statement, Fear had cost me my life. It was as if my soul had been removed. Not just a life without joy, passion, purpose, intention or inspiration, but a soulless and stagnate life.
I knew I wanted to change. I wanted to live out loud, to be full of life. The problem was, I no longer trusted myself to make the right decisions.
That’s when I decided to look at things with a new perspective. I had been using my mind only, trying to make decisions using logic or what other people thought was best for me. I had been trying to do the right thing, make the smart decisions. And look where it had gotten me, living in terror.
I was looking on the physical plane only and missing the bigger picture entirely. I wasn’t using any of my spiritual resources.
Life is so much more than the surface reveals.
I began to tap back into the wisdom of my childhood and reach out for my spiritual guidance. I began going deep within myself and asking better questions. Questions that would lead me to the best course of action. The answers received were inspired by the wisdom my heart and were filled with love and compassion. No ego, no power struggle, no distrust or fear ever entered into the equation.
I had found peace. My fear of the future began to diminish.
My conclusion, there will always be surprises, both good and bad.
All I can do is be willing to be present, to show up and live the life I was meant to live. No matter what happens I have the resources I need within me. I have phenomenal coping skills right inside me. All I have to do is call upon them, ask questions, ask for guidance, ask for help; and all I need is provided. I have the wisdom of my heart, angels, guides and Spirit to call upon. I am not alone, isolated or without control. I choose how I respond, to freak out or start asking questions.
Why is this happening? What can I learn from this? How can I do things differently? What resources are available to me, both physical and spiritual? Who can I ask for guidance, wisdom and support?
I have found that eventually, once circumstances turn difficult enough or fear overwhelms us and brings us to our knees, we all get to this place. The understanding that there is more to this world that the eye can see. That we can no longer do it alone and we finally drop and ask for help.
The future doesn’t have to be feared.
Yes, it is uncertain and the waters at times can become dark and uncertain, but we are not alone. There are so many allies available to us. The mind is limited and prone to fear, let it take a rest. Using our senses to feel for and listen to the wisdom within the heart instead.
We can choose to be inspired by awe and filled with gratitude, no matter what comes. I choose to Keep asking questions until you I am filled with the presence of peace once more. Life is messy, and that’s part of the beauty of it too.